Tuesday, March 1, 2016

....back in the saddle

Hey all,
     Has it really been a year since I last posted? Wow. I did not realize it has been that long. This past year was one I will never forget. As some of you know I lost my stepdaughter to a drug overdose on mothers day and my darling wife last June to cancer. She fought for almost 6 years but her body wore out and she left this world on June 2nd. Barbie loved me for almost forty years and I was blessed to be the object of her heart and will always be grateful and Thankful that she loved me until her last breath.
     I'm just now coming back to the computer, 7 months later, 8 really, to shake off the dust and the rust and get this novel writer dream going again and to try to finish the edit on book one of my "To Hunt The Hunter" three book series.  I decided to take a class at one of the colleges nearby, an intro to writing type of class but it's a lot of sitting through stuff I don't really need to hear. Maybe next time it will be a pro atmosphere situation and I'll get more out of it, but, listening and talking writing is sure helping me get my head back in the game, so, if nothing else it was and is worth the effort on that level.
     I can't escape the feeling and reality, I guess, that I'm a different person now, not just the obvious stuff but on levels deep inside I never would have imagined or thought of. I'm not going to elaborate in this post too much, possibly never, however when and if I ever figure this all out maybe I'll be able to share it with you. One thing I will say to this is simply that the object of being Daniel now and not Barbie's husband Daniel was the first thing I felt an adjustment to and that even took several months for me to understand that like it or not I would have to adjust and that there is a relational difference in general that is expressed in who you are to others and how you interact with them. It's a hard thing to explain, you'd almost have to go through it to get what I feel. The last time I can recall this mindset is when I was a much younger single man and even those memories are distant and obscure.
Life, however, being life, rolls onward and you just go with it day to day and try to do your best.
     Barbie and I had some amazingly candid conversations in the months before she died about her fears for my welfare both financially and emotionally, mostly emotionally. If I'm being honest here, and I always am, I too was worried about myself on both levels and she knew that. The mission, and this is what I told her, is to carry on and try to make the most of and the best of the life we had built together and live out the effort to make our mutual dreams come true. To get our farm back, or another bigger better property and build a horse refuge/rescue and cattle farming operation. I know, I know, everyone has thousand acre plans of one type or another. Those are ours.
     Alright that's it for now, wish me luck and pray for me if you're so inclined and just know that I'm still here, Thank God, and I'm coming out swinging.
     You know where to find me,
                                                               love you,